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EUROPEAN COMMISSION PUBLISHES NEW ‘BALLS’ GREEN PAPER

The European Commission has published a controversial new green paper entitled simply: ‘Balls.’

It comes at the same time as European Testicle Week, an annual event launched in 2003 to raise awareness about balls.

The green paper, a document intended to stimulate discussion and debate, presents the Commission’s views on balls, and invites a wide range of stakeholders, including health experts, farmers, and professional cyclists, to contribute their opinions and ideas.

Dvtskwsky Wxyxysk, European Commissioner for the Unpronounceable, said: ‘While the view has been expressed in certain quarters that this paper was completely unnecessary and a giant waste of resources, dreamed up to justify the existence of the hordes of festering, under-employed pen-pushers cluttering up the Commission’s long, shiny corridors waiting for their lunch, I say, quite frankly: balls. This paper was not only timely but urgently needed.’

Not ‘a lot of balls’

'We need to cut red tape around balls policy'

The green paper invites discussion on three main issues:

• The impact of the economic crisis on balls
• Balls and global warming
• Women, equality and balls

The Commission also highlights the need for simplification of balls policy.

‘We need to cut red tape when it comes to EU policy on balls,’ said a Commission spokesman. ‘This is one of the reasons we opted for such a simple title for this green paper, rather than, for example: ‘A lot of balls’, or even ‘Complete and utter balls.’’

Stakeholders are invited to submit their responses by the end of 2056, and concrete legislative proposals could follow as early as the start of the 22nd century, the Commission spokesman told the IN.

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