SmudgelySmythe

Green light for curly fringes at EU Spring Summit

European heads of state and government have given the green light to curly, wavy, and ‘slightly frizzy’ fringes, the IN can exclusively report. Traditionally considered unacceptable in Europe, the curly fringe will now be permitted across all EU member states – but only in certain circumstances. The issue was top of the agenda at the […]

BELGIAN HOLE TO COST €40m

A giant, inexplicable hole to be dug in central Brussels will cost the taxpayer up to €40 million, it emerged this week. The exact location of the hole, which will measure approximately 30 metres wide and 20 metres deep, has not yet been revealed. However, a government official confirmed to the IN that it will […]

EUROPEAN COMMISSION PUBLISHES NEW ‘BALLS’ GREEN PAPER

The European Commission has published a controversial new green paper entitled simply: ‘Balls.’ It comes at the same time as European Testicle Week, an annual event launched in 2003 to raise awareness about balls. The green paper, a document intended to stimulate discussion and debate, presents the Commission’s views on balls, and invites a wide […]

DOCTOR SLAMMED FOR ‘SHOCKING’ DISPLAY OF BASIC HUMAN KINDNESS

A doctor in a Belgian hospital has caused a furore after being the only staff member not to treat a young female patient with extreme hostility and aggression for having the sheer audacity to turn up requiring treatment for a sprained foot. Dr Russo, 31, has been temporarily suspended from duty for gently telling 33-year-old […]

Half-decent New Year’s bash surprise for recovering addicts

A group of recovering alcoholics had quite a good time at a party on New Year’s Eve, it has been revealed. The group of around fifteen AA members, who gathered for sober festivities at an unknown address in Brussels on Saturday night, enjoyed themselves ‘more than usual’, according to reports. ‘It was alright,’ said one […]